 Hey bloggers, thanks for visiting my blog. I hope you enjoy reading my personal thoughts and experiences. Here's a couple of rules to follow: 1.Constructive Criticisms only :P 2. What's in here stays here |
Alias:
- eljay123
- ayumi09
- angelayumi09
- peppermint03
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About this Blog
Why Nankurunaisa?My brother would always ask me why my blog is named "nankurunaisa". So I wondered if other people would also like to know why I named it like this.
First of all, I got the saying "nankurunaisa" from my favorite anime series Blood+. The word "nankurunaisa" means that everything will be okay. I particularly chose it to be the title of my blog cause I want to be reminded whenever I blog about my not-so-good experiences that despite every trial/obstacles, everything will be okay. Thus, Nankurunaisa! <3
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Running in Cirlces
Running in Cirlces
"She will chase you around for a while but there's going to be a day when she's gonna stop running in circles around you. She's going to get over you and at that very moment, you're going to wish you had let her catch you."I just had to share this image I got from facebook. I mean, it very much describes how I'm feeling right now. I know it's just one of my sudden moment of doubt and a mixture of PMS-ing but I really feel bad right now. I want to tell him that I get tired of forgiving too. That I also feel tired whenever he asks me if he could flirt around. Of course the answer will always be no. Be very afraid when I allow you, that's cause I have lost my feelings for you by then and that the next to expect is a break up.
Seriously, you ask me what I'll do if you do cheat on me? I know it's hard for me to do but I wouldn't have any other choice. If you have cheated on me, it only proves that you don't love me and respect me enough to stay loyal and faithful to me. I'll break up with you even if it would hurt a thousand times more. It's probably the only consolation that I would get for getting hurt so badly by the person I trusted the most. But that would amount to an even greater pain cause it would only mean that I lost you.
I hope it doesn't come to a point that you will cheat on me. It really hurts me so much whenever you ask permission to flirt around. It breaks my heart. Believe me. And my heart's been broken for who knows how many times already from all the asking that you've done. I'm telling you, one day, I might get tired of the hurt and pain that I feel. I'm still a person. I have my limits. There's a limit to being patient you know. How can I be patient when you don't prove that you're worth it?
Think about it. Cause I'm starting to have second thoughts already. :|
Monday, November 9, 2009
Of forgotten monthsaries and first days
Of forgotten monthsaries and first days
It's our first day of the second semester today. I woke up at 5 am but I didn't move until it was 5:30. I just watched the Hannah Montana show in Disney. I was planning on going to the CR early but I kind of got hooked to the episode so it was put aside. I got my present ready for my boyfriend the night before. I was smiling and all since I found it cute. I gave him 3 things, a smiley key chain, a smiley pin and a smiley stress ball. Behind the items were the letter i, the symbol of the heart, and the letter u. I even wrote him a letter greeting him a happy 2nd monthsary and that I love him. You know, the usual? Lol. That night, I didn't really expect that he would remember cause I know he's not that good with dates. But I guess there was still a little part of me that kind of hoped that he would remember. After all, it's just our second month.
I kept repeating to myself this morning that he wasn't going to greet me. I have even accepted the fact that he had forgotten it. But when he arrived, a part of me longed for those two words. I don't expect that we would celebrate it by eating together or something, just a simple greeting was enough but I guess it was too much to expect from him.
We only had one class this morning. It got quite confusing cause we transferred classroom twice and in the end, we were meeting the wrong professor. When we have finally settled down, our prof gave us a brief intro of what we're supposed to discuss and he let us off early.
We tried to look for him but we couldn't find him right away. I text messaged him and he just asked where I was. I decided to buy my uniform then and then he called. He said that he was at the complex and that he was watching a game I think. I was still a bit pissed that he didn't greet me.
He called me again and said I should go home. I felt like I wanted to cry but I forced my tears back. I asked him to stay where he was cause I planned on giving him my gift. He then asked me, "do you know what day it is?" and I said it was the 9th. He then accused me that I forgot. YEAH. Right. After that I told him to stay there but he wouldn't. He insisted on going to where I was so I said fine. I finished buying my uniform and we met half way.
I got even more annoyed that he asked me, "Is this our 1st monthsary?" Wow. It's kind of forgivable to forget your monthsary day but to forget the number of months you've been together, that was kind of too much for my heart to handle. He said that he was joking but I knew that he really wasn't sure. I tried to walk out on him but he kept on chasing me. I wanted to slap him but I didn't. I didn't want to cause war.
I gave him the gift and I planned on leaving cause I needed to cry so badly. He won't let me off yet cause he said he wanted to talk. He kept on asking if I was mad or anything and stuff about our monthsary. He said, "we never celebrate anyway?" and I just nodded. I know, I wasn't asking for a date. I was just waiting for him to greet me. That simple, but he just couldn't get it.
He finally said goodbye and I went back to my friends. When my friend said, "Hey, are you crying?" I suddenly felt hot tears wet my eyes and then I couldn't stop myself. It really hurt. I guess I expected that he would at least greet me but he didn't. He knew already and yet he still didn't say it.
We stayed there for quite a while and then he went to where we were. He was planning on skipping his class cause it was just the first day and he still had to wait for how many hours. (Originally, they were supposed to have an 8-11 class but since they were too many, it was postponed to 2-5). He played with the stress ball that I gave him.
I knew his friend was kind of saying that we should date. I had a feeling that he asked his friend to give a hint that we should go out but I was too hurt to agree. I kept on saying no cause I was really irritated at that time. Then I heart him say that I was mad at him. They left after that and then I cried again. He still didn't greet me.
We stayed there cause we were waiting for my friend's mom. After how many talks about a previous schoolmate who decided to study in our school, he called. He said, "bati na tayo ah?" I said fine but I still felt kind of hurt. I told him that he still hasn't greeted me. Then he said, "yun lang ba??" then I went on about how I didn't want to go out and that he just had to greet me. He did but I still felt bad. He kept on saying sorry cause he forgot.
Anyway, I got to bond with my friend and her sister while waiting for their mom. Her sister was really cool and she was so much like my friend. They're odd, in a cool kind of way. By past 3, we left the school. I kind of hoped to see him but he still had class during that time. It was a good thing that my friend's sister went to her boyfriend's house or else I would've spent money for the trike fare. (Her bf's house was near mine).
By the time I reached home, he called me again. We weren't able to talk much cause he was on his way home. He said that he loves me so much and that he was sorry. When he got home, he called in our land line and we talked. I was able to forget about the pain and the anger that I felt a while ago. I felt bad cause my friends kept telling me a while ago that I should break up with him and stuff but I don't want to. I love him so much and it's kind of mean to break up over something that we can still fix.
We talked and he was very sweet. He kept saying "Ano baby ko?" and "I love you!" and it kind of melted the coldness surrounding my heart. We're okay now and I'm happy that we are. I love him so much and even though he may be imperfect, even though he might forget our monthsaries, and even though he might not remember how many months we've been together, I'll still accept him for who he is. I never loved him because of those things, I love him because he is who he is. That's what matters to me.
Message for him:
Hi baby! Happy 2nd monthsary! I love you so much! I really do! I know you're afraid that we might not be that close anymore once school sets in but don't worry, we can make it! It's just another trial after all! I love you so much! FOREVER AND EVER BABY! :)
Friday, November 6, 2009
Don't stop believing. Hold on to that feeling :)
Don't stop believing. Hold on to that feeling :)
We were fighting again last night but it was different. I suddenly raised my voice to him cause I got really annoyed. He knew well enough that when it comes to "HER" I get really annoyed and I guess he just likes to tease me knowing that it makes my blood boil. But I couldn't hold it in last night that's why I kind of snapped already.I immediately regretted my actions. It made me feel bad cause I knew he felt bad whenever someone shouts at him (especially among his family members). I always say that we'll be together no matter what problem, that I will always be on his side. I cried hard last night. He kept saying that it was okay but obviously it wasn't. I told him that I really really hated it when he involves "HER" and that it really hurts me. He was quiet for a while. I guess he never expected it. I never told it to him after all, that it pains me when it involves "HER".
We were okay after a few talks. He told me that I shouldn't be afraid to get mad at him cause it will only set him right. He also told me that he wouldn't be able to resist me anyway so I should tell him if he does something wrong. He said that it's better that way instead of me keeping it all to myself and one day, when I can't take it anymore, break up with him.
I felt touched when he said "hindi naman kita kayang tiisin eh. super love kita eh". It was definitely an "AWWW moment" for me. :) I'm so happy that we're getting better with this communicating thing.
P.S.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY! FOREVER AND EVER :) I'LL NEVER GET TIRED OF LOVING YOU. I KNOW IN MY PREVIOUS POST, I WAS SAYING THAT I'M GETTING TIRED, BUT NO, IT'S ALL WORTH IT. :)
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I'm tired
I'm tired
I'm tired of getting hurt for the mistakes that you do over and over.I'm tired of feeling so low because you tend to look at other girls more than me.
I'm tired of being so forgiving when you're not really worth my forgiveness.
I'm tired of losing my voice whenever we get into an argument.
I'm tired of saying 'it's okay' when in reality, it's really not.
I'm tired of faking my smiles whenever you joke about wanting other girls.
I'm tired of doing things for you that you never seem to appreciate.
I do everything for you and yet it's still not enough for you to stop being a playboy. In your mind, you still want it. Please don't let it come to a point wherein I'll be tired of loving you.. :(
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
How do you say goodbye to a love that's never ending?
How do you say goodbye to a love that's never ending?
Kissing is not a form of comfort especially when you're both committed. Just because I forgave you doesn't mean that I wasn't hurt. .And now.. we're like this again.
Can't we go through a week without any fight? :|
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Of signal no. 3 storms and postponed parties
Of signal no. 3 storms and postponed parties
It was already announced that on October 31 there will be a storm with a signal no. 3. I thought, okay it's probably going to be like the typhoon 'Pepeng' which luckily didn't hit manila directly. I thought hey, our party would definitely push through. I was supposed to sleep early last night, well if you consider 12 am early but then my boyfriend called again and decided we should play poker. And we did. Hahaha. It was fun cause we were chatting in the room and we're making it look like we're strangers trying to hook up. Anyway, we played poker until 3 am I think. I had noticed the sudden strong rain but I thought that it would pass and that by morning, it would be barely noticeable.
So we talked on the phone until past three. I realized then that the rain wasn't stopping nor did it show signs of it any sooner. I was getting a bit worried then cause the party might not continue. It was by 3:30 when the lines got cut and the lights suddenly went out. I then noticed that, 'shoot, this is one signal no. 3 storm alright'.
I called my boyfriend on the cellphone cause I was too scared to sleep. The rain was getting heavier and louder. I thought I was even hearing stuff like an alien or something which I decided, it was probably something that was a product of my imagination. The line got cut when I didn't have anymore load. I was wide awake during that time and I don't know why. I tried to sleep but it was only short naps. I always got awakened by the loud pouring of the rain.
By 6 am, it got a bit brighter so I got up. The rain had stopped but the wind was blowing so hard that the roof (made of.. 'yero' ) at the back of our house got wrecked. I immediately went to the telephone to check if we had dial tone and luckily, we did. The lights were still out by then so no luck trying to watch tv or something.
I was able to sleep for a while again, for about 7-9, and I woke up again cause it was cold and I think the electric fan fell because of the wind. I didn't know what to do. I was thinking whether the party would be postponed cause we didn't have electricity. Imagine, a night party with no lights, so I text messaged my friend already to inform her of the current situation.
We were already deciding that if ever the lights would come back before the party (supposedly) starts, we would continue with it. The lights went back by 2-3 pm. But by then, we decided against the pushing through cause a lot of the invited people wouldn't be able to make it. I was disappointed cause my boyfriend would've come if only it wasn't cancelled.
Anyway, it was decided that it will be moved on November 3. I do hope that no other interruptions would come in our way. Cross fingers :)
P.S.
I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND! :) HAHAHA
Friday, October 30, 2009
Of shopping and failed prank calls
Of shopping and failed prank calls
I went shopping for party stuff with my friend a while ago. It was okay. It was supposed to start at 1 but it got delayed. It's a good thing that we didn't get caught in the rain or it would've sucked real bad.It was fun shopping with that friend of mine. I mean, he's just so goofy. He's actually the weird one in our group, but in a cool kind of way. He was saying "oh honey, anong gusto mong bilhin?" cause we kind of looked like a couple a while ago since it was just the two of us. He even made a small voice which was hilarious. He's really cool. He was supposed to drop me off at my house cause I was carrying a lot of things but I insisted that he didn't cause it would be out of the way.
I arrived home before 6 and I instantly checked my facebook account and guess who added me? HER. Yeah, you saw it right. Well I was shocked myself. She and her friend both added me. I didn't see why I should not accept so I clicked ok right away. I mean, if I did otherwise, she might have the notion that I was afraid of her or something. Which is not the case.
There's still this depressing feeling whenever I see her. It annoys me but I can't do anything about it. I have to blame my mood swings for that one.
Anyway after that I was able to talk to my boyfriend for a while. About the previous post? Well, I kind of decided not to do it. I mean, it's quite complicated. I thought, what if he wanted to go on and not let go? Let's just see what's in store for us. For now, we'll just enjoy each other's company.
I wasn't able to tell him the "HER" incident. I'll probably do it later. I do hope that he'll be able to come tomorrow at my friend's surprise party.
After talking to him, (he said he'll call me later) the phone rang again. I thought, wow, that later was sooner than expected, but upon looking at our caller ID, I saw a different number. AT first I thought it wasn't for me cause I didn't recognize it. But then I remembered my friend called me once with that number so I answered it. It was really funny cause he tried to prank call me. It went this way..
Him: Hello, may I speak to Miss *insert-my-full-name* ?
Me: *insert-his-name*!! Hahah
Him: P*ta paano mo nalaman??
Me: *in between laughs* may caller id kami!
Him: P*ta, wala na! Nasira yung perfect intro ko!
Me: *my throat suddenly hurt from laughing and I almost lost my voice*
It was super funny cause he really expected that he was going to fool me. Good thing that we have a caller ID and that his voice was kind of familiar to me already.
Anyway, my throat hurts again. I think I'm going to have a fever. I better rest. Later! :)
Nikon d300
New Phone
